The Long A.A.R.M of Steve O...

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Aimless
Assemblage of
Rambling
Musings of an
over-caffeinated, slightly ajar yet well-meaning writer.

HERE, THERE... EVERYWHERE
I should probably save this one for my next Rock & Rant, but...

Is there anything more annoying than having someone say "It's right there" when you're looking for something that you have no idea where it is but the other person does?

Ok, that's a little convoluted but you get my point.

My wife, whom I love dearly and quite frankly is up for canonization by The Vatican for enduring me, literally, these past 2 1/2+ decades, is a prime offender of the "it's right there" offense.

I cannot tell you how many times we'll be in the car and she will point out something she wants me to see and lays the "it's right there" directive on me, only she doesn't direct me to where right there is!

'How can you not see that? It's right there!'

Oh, I'm sorry, I missed some days in school when I was younger. Perhaps I missed the curriculum that taught the meaning of "right there!"

One of my biggest fears is coming true in that my children - my daughter and son are apparently picking up this troublesome trait from their mother. Last night, as they lay in bed, they each asked me to hand them a book to read. When I queried them as to which book they wanted from the bookcase, they each responded with... 'The one right there, Dad. Can't you see it? It's right there.'

I nearly ran out of the room screaming.

BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR...
A northwest Indiana man faces a misdemeanor battery charge after allegedly grounding his genital area into the buttocks of the woman standing in front of him in line at a Dollar Tree store.

Is it grounding or grinding? I always get those words confused. Grounding makes it sound like he was doing something electrical.

I could have used the phrase MORE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK as the headline for this story but that would have been downright vulgar. So glad I didn't.

THAT AIN'T SHAKE & BAKE... A man was recently arrested and charged with drug trafficking for allegedly having 54.3 grams of MDMA, used to make the drug ecstasy.

When asked, he told officers it was "flour for my pork chops."

PAGING CHIEF JAY STRONGBOW... A 5 feet, 7 inches 1280-pound retired Long Beach police officer foiled a bank robbery at a grocery last month when she put a 220-pound bank robber in a sleeper hold until he passed out.

Now, if she had somehow worked in the Stan the Man Stasiak Heart Punch, then we'd have something to talk about.

AND FINALLY... Anyone who knows me knows I love a good pun. Came across these pics below of company names that I wish I had invented.

I love 'em all.

Enjoy!




Til next time.

Rock & Rant - Volume II

Welcome back to Rock and Rant -- the place where people can come to either rock, rant or both. As I said before, I don’t care which one you do just as long as you bring something to the table, show me some fire in the belly. Don't waste my valuable time...

Now, if you recall, I closed Rock and Rant Volume I with a reference to drivers. I told of my complete and utter disdain for the dolts who wait until they actually arrive at the toll booth to get their money out.

And I promised I would spew some more venom toward drivers the next time around.

Well that time is now...

WHERE DO I START?
I could literally write a 10,000 word dissertation on why I believe every driver other than me should be banned from using all public roads. But, I will refrain from scribing such verbose prose.

I will however, share some more of my thoughts re: those cute drivers and the oh-so-funny things they do on the highways and bi-ways. (heavy sarcasm? check)

Ok, raise your hand if this has ever happened to you...

You're driving along on an otherwise nondescript road, avenue, street, whatever... and suddenly some blockhead cuts you off, causes you to slam on your breaks, change lanes quickly, whatever...

You then come along side said blockhead and THEY are mad at YOU as if YOU did something wrong and not the other way around.

I cannot be the only one who has experienced this phenomenon.

Just the other day, some imbecile in a pickup truck (which is almost redundant by the way as I think 75% of all people who drive pickups are idiots) pulled out in front of me at the very last minute. I don't know how we didn't crash but somehow I was able to swerve and avoid slamming into him.

I pulled alongside him and was about to blast him (I know, not a good idea, lots of wackos out there) and HE started yelling at ME, giving ME the finger! And not the good one, either.

You would think by now, I would be used to this. But alas, I am not. I am constantly amazed at the sheer ineptitude and callousness by which some people operate their motorized vehicles.

A dream of mine, don't laugh, is to one day get a hold of a real clunker, a car that barely is able to move. But move it shall and I will get on the road and the first time some jackass does something stupid -- and it's a question of when, not if -- I will follow them. And after they have parked their car and are free and clear from it, I will slam my junker right into it, time and again.

I will then exit my car, throw them the keys and say 'here's a present for you... the next time maybe you'll think about how you drive." And I will walk away smiling and laughing my ass off.

Of course I'm kidding... right?

ONE LAST RANT...
I realize I may be the last human on Earth who listens to what they call "terrestrial" radio but...

Would it absolutely kill or cause mass hysteria if a radio station/disc jockey actually let an entire song play out BEFORE speaking?

There's a reason a given artist records a song at a certain length, right? So why can't these goddamn talking heads on the radio wait until the damn song is done before opening their yapper??!!

Drives me absolutely crazy... there will be a good 10-15 seconds left of a song when all of a sudden here comes Dr. Johnny Fever will more of his incessant drivel.

I scream aloud...
SSHHAAADDDUUUPPP!!!!!

Course the other drivers around me think I'm nuts so I just cut them off and be on my way.

Til next time.

THAT'S A WRAP | Philly2Philly.com-Everyday Philly For Everyday People

THAT'S A WRAP | Philly2Philly.com-Everyday Philly For Everyday People

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You're Only As Good As Your Help | Philly2Philly.com-Everyday Philly For Everyday People

You're Only As Good As Your Help | Philly2Philly.com-Everyday Philly For Everyday People

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